Thank Heaven for Little Girls

In my last blog entry I wrote about the day we found out we were expecting Lilah. What I didn't mention was that was the very same week the doctors told Gloria there was nothing else they could do for Rick. I've been wanting to write this blog for a while, but I could never seem to find the right words to do it justice. I'm just not as gifted a writer as Jeff, so bare with me.

We had decided to hold off on telling people our happy news until the threat of miscarriage was no longer a worry. But, we knew we wanted our parents to know as soon as possible. So we went to Walmart and bought some bibs for Rick and Gloria to open as a surprise. I think one of them said Grandma Never Says No. It was super cute and we were very excited to tell them they were finally going to have a grandchild in Susanville.

When we got to the house Gloria was downstairs on the treadmill. Rick let her know we were there and she came up to open her present. When she saw the bibs and put two and two together she got teary eyed and asked Jeff if we were serious. At the time, I thought it was because Jeff had played a prank on them before by getting Rick a birthday card that says 'Grandpa' on it.

She waited a few days to tell Jeff about Rick. We were still on a 'baby high' and I think she didn't want to take that away from us. When Jeff told me Rick didn't have much time left I was heartbroken. I was sad for my husband, who was about to lose his dad, and sad for my mother in law who was losing the love of her life at such a young age.

And then I thought about the baby growing in my belly....

I had seen Rick with his other grandchildren and I knew he was an amazing grandpa. I was so angry that our baby was going to miss out on that. She was never going to know what it felt like to ride high on her Grandpa Honea's shoulders, or cuddle with him, or hear silly stories about her Daddy from the man who helped make him who he is today. I just didn't understand why Jeff and I would be given such a beautiful miracle and then in the same week be given such a hard blow.

I'm not one to wax poetic about God or His work in my life. It's just the way I am. But I feel like this needs to be acknowledged because I have never felt His presence in my life more than when I had Lilah. Her birth was incredible, but for more reasons than one. Yes, I had prayed for her. Yes, the love I felt that day was amazing. But I also felt her heal our hearts. Of course she can't fill the huge void that Rick left for all of us, but I think her presence has helped take the sting out. I truly believe that she was Heaven sent, at exactly the right time. God knew that he was giving my family a huge blow and He knew that we would need something happy to cling to. So He gave us Lilah.

And while I'm sad that Rick couldn't be here to carry her on his shoulders and cuddle her or tell her stories, I know that he is present. It's my mission in life to make sure our kids know what a wonderful man their grandpa was and know that he's watching over them even though he's not here in body. And besides, who better to have for a Guardian Angel than One Punch Honea?