Bye-Bye Manolo?

My husband is one of the most generous people I know. If he hears a want of mine, he always tries to make it happen. It might not happen right away, but eventually Jeff finds a way to make it happen. So, I should have known better all those years ago when I told him I wanted a pair of these shoes. They are beautiful, and over the top and way too expensive. And I love them.

The girl in me who is attracted to beautiful, shiny things and used to spend most Saturday nights dancing next to the dj’s speaker immediately wanted to jump up and down when I opened my gift Monday night. I’m not normally a shoe person, but anyone who looks at these shoes can see that they are extravagant. I spent the evening trying them on, imagining what outfits would look good with them, learning how to walk in them, and just enjoying them.

Then morning came and along with it, a crushing guilt. The trouble is I’m not the same girl who can accept a pair of expensive shoes and just enjoy them. Becoming a wife and mommy has changed me. I no longer pine for a pair of Manolo’s and wish I could spend my nights at some swanky club. I spend my evenings parked on the couch nursing my little girl and reconnecting with my hubby. And I am 100% content with my life.

I just kept thinking about how else the money could have been spent and that they were impractical because I spend more time in pajamas than pretty dresses. I agonized all day long about what do to with these shoes. Should I return them? Do I keep them and just relish in their fabulousness when I do get the chance to wear them?

In the end, my practical side won. I told Jeff I wanted to return them. And in doing so, I think I hurt his feelings, and I know I took all the fun out of his gift. He wanted to do something nice for me because he told me I’m a wonderful mommy and wife and I deserve to have nice things. He planned this for years and finally found a pair that he thought I would like and could use for any outfit that I had. I never wanted to make him feel bad, especially when he was so excited to be able to do this for me.

This morning he gave me the return slip and said to at least not wear them outside or I wouldn’t be able to return them.

On the way to the sitter’s I thought about my ‘problem’. I have a husband who is loving and generous and wants to give me the world. Obviously he can’t give me the world, so he gave me an expensive pair of shoes that he knew I would love. Wow. Wouldn’t everyone love to have my problems?

So, I’ve decided to keep my beautiful, over the top, too expensive shoes. I will wear them with pride because my hubby got them just for me. He planned and he shopped and bought the ones that he thought were just right for me. I may not use them every day, I may not use them once a month. But, I will have girl’s nights or anniversary dinners or weddings to attend and I’ll pull these shoes out and feel special. Just like my hubby wanted me to.

Lilah is 4 months!

If you count by weeks, Lilah is 4 months old today. If you count by months, she won’t be 4 months old until June 1st. Either way you look at it, our baby girl is growing like a weed.

We have had many milestones and adjustments this last month. The biggest being my return to work. The first day was the hardest and I left the sitter’s house in tears and spent my day with my cell phone glued to my hip, anxious for any picture updates I might receive. Thank God for technology. I don’t know what I’d do without my bi-hourly picture texts!

And, we have the best sitter on the planet! My cousin Heather is watching her and not only does she keep my baby clean, fed and content she sends us home with casseroles for dinner and clean clothes in Lilah’s diaper bag. I can’t tell you how nice it is to know that my Monday will be just a little bit less hectic because dinner is already taken care of.

Now on to the fun stuff….Lilah’s accomplishments!

She has rolled over from her tummy to her back once. I know we don’t give her enough ‘tummy time’ and I’m trying to fix that small problem. I’m sure with just a little more time on her belly; she’ll be rolling over like a pro. She has attempted to roll from her back to her tummy, but her arm gets in the way. There have been several times where all the adults in the room suck in their breath because we’re all sure it’s gonna happen any second, but she ends up on her back again and she starts the process all over.

And we have teeth! Just this last Saturday and Sunday Lilah cut her first two bottom teeth. She did great and we hardly knew she was teething. We gave her some baby Orajel, Tylenol or teething tablets if we thought she was uncomfortable. But we really seemed to luck out. She wasn’t very fussy, and aside from a few restless nights she did great. Now she spends her days sucking on her bottom lip and poking her tongue out so she can feel those pearly whites!

She had an impromptu doctor’s appointment last Friday due to an angry rash under a roll in her neck. It was ugly and scary and I felt like bad mommy for missing it for as long as I did, but a little bit of cornstarch cleared it right up. At her appointment they weighed her and she’s 12lbs. 8.5oz’s, which the Dr. said is right on track. She has rolls on her thighs, neck and arms, and they’re adorable. I can’t wait until we finally get some decent weather so I can put her in some cute rompers that show off those chunky legs.

As you can tell, we’re just plugging right along in the Honea household. Lilah is amazing and we can’t imagine our lives without her. She has been the perfect addition to our family and it has been such a blessing to watch her grow.

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

In my last blog entry I wrote about the day we found out we were expecting Lilah. What I didn't mention was that was the very same week the doctors told Gloria there was nothing else they could do for Rick. I've been wanting to write this blog for a while, but I could never seem to find the right words to do it justice. I'm just not as gifted a writer as Jeff, so bare with me.

We had decided to hold off on telling people our happy news until the threat of miscarriage was no longer a worry. But, we knew we wanted our parents to know as soon as possible. So we went to Walmart and bought some bibs for Rick and Gloria to open as a surprise. I think one of them said Grandma Never Says No. It was super cute and we were very excited to tell them they were finally going to have a grandchild in Susanville.

When we got to the house Gloria was downstairs on the treadmill. Rick let her know we were there and she came up to open her present. When she saw the bibs and put two and two together she got teary eyed and asked Jeff if we were serious. At the time, I thought it was because Jeff had played a prank on them before by getting Rick a birthday card that says 'Grandpa' on it.

She waited a few days to tell Jeff about Rick. We were still on a 'baby high' and I think she didn't want to take that away from us. When Jeff told me Rick didn't have much time left I was heartbroken. I was sad for my husband, who was about to lose his dad, and sad for my mother in law who was losing the love of her life at such a young age.

And then I thought about the baby growing in my belly....

I had seen Rick with his other grandchildren and I knew he was an amazing grandpa. I was so angry that our baby was going to miss out on that. She was never going to know what it felt like to ride high on her Grandpa Honea's shoulders, or cuddle with him, or hear silly stories about her Daddy from the man who helped make him who he is today. I just didn't understand why Jeff and I would be given such a beautiful miracle and then in the same week be given such a hard blow.

I'm not one to wax poetic about God or His work in my life. It's just the way I am. But I feel like this needs to be acknowledged because I have never felt His presence in my life more than when I had Lilah. Her birth was incredible, but for more reasons than one. Yes, I had prayed for her. Yes, the love I felt that day was amazing. But I also felt her heal our hearts. Of course she can't fill the huge void that Rick left for all of us, but I think her presence has helped take the sting out. I truly believe that she was Heaven sent, at exactly the right time. God knew that he was giving my family a huge blow and He knew that we would need something happy to cling to. So He gave us Lilah.

And while I'm sad that Rick couldn't be here to carry her on his shoulders and cuddle her or tell her stories, I know that he is present. It's my mission in life to make sure our kids know what a wonderful man their grandpa was and know that he's watching over them even though he's not here in body. And besides, who better to have for a Guardian Angel than One Punch Honea?

Last Year

May 13th, 2009 was the day that Jeff and I found out our lives would be changed forever. It was the day that we found out we were expecting our first child.


I remember buying a pregnancy test the night before, thinking that it was a waste of money because I thought I was going to start any minute. I was crampy and moody and I just knew that 'Aunt Flo' was just around the corner...but she was a few days late, so I figured I'd rather be safe than sorry.


Since we had been trying for so long to get pregnant I had a morning routine when I tested. I would get up and take the test first thing in the morning, but I never looked at it until I got out of the shower. After several months with disappointing results I guess I just liked the extra 10 minutes thinking our dreams might come true this month.


This time was different. For some reason, I just couldn't help myself. I turned the test over and started watching the window. In seconds that beautiful second line appeared. I couldn't believe it! I stared at it for a little longer, just to make sure that I wasn't imagining things. But there it was.


I promptly ran into the bedroom where Jeff was still sleeping and said something like 'I'm pregnant! Oh my God, I'm going to give birth in 8 months!" I think Jeff was a little confused since he was still half asleep, but of course he was happy, and once the news sank in, very excited.

That day seems so far away. After trying for over a year and half I thought it might not happen for us. I am so happy that Lilah is here and she's a happy, cuddling little love. She has brought new meaning to my life and I look at things differently now. I can't imagine our lives without and am so grateful to be fortunate enough to have this little girl in my life.