Strange Dreams

These pregnancy hormones have been giving me some weird dreams lately. The first clue that I had that I was pregnant was the dream I had two days before I took a pregnancy test.

I dreamt that I was 9 months pregnant with a little boy and I was in labor in a friends kitchen. I ended up on the kitchen table trying to push the baby out when the women from Sex and The City came in and told me that the baby was too big and I needed to have a c-section. I agreed, and Sarah Jessica Parker proceeded to cut me me open with a butcher knife!

I've had other dreams since then that stand out, but last night's was by far the scariest. Jeff and I had just bought a new bed and for some reason we were sleeping in driveway. I had bought some really expensive sheets to go with our new bed. It was the middle of the night and we woke up to our sheets on fire and we were in it...I'm sure that someone could analyze this dream, but I don't even want to know what it means!

These dreams have just felt so real. I wake up in the morning and I have to remind myself that I have been sleeping the whole time and only dreaming.

I Guess It's That Time

Yesterday I got home and changed into some comfy pj's. That's when I noticed the markings on my belly. It looked like I was still wearing my work pants because I had a perfect outline of all the seams from my pants. So, being just 13 weeks, I did it. Today I'm wearing my belly band and a bigger shirt. I dont' look pregnant, I just look like I don't know how to buy clothes that don't fit. But, I am SOOOO comfortable! And right now, that's all I care about.

Weeks 9-12

It seems as though this pregnancy is going to fly by. I haven't had much time to focus on this little miracle since Jeff and I have been spending our time with our family.

I'm just entering my 12th week and so far so good. I am having a bit of back troubles, but I don't think that's due to my pregnancy. Last week I was bent over funny working on some things around the house and the next morning I started having twinges in my back, which led to pain and numbness shooting down my butt and leg. I've had this before and usually a quick trip to the Chiropractor is all I need. Well, being the cautious pregnant gal that I am, I called my baby Dr. to see if I could go get popped by the chiropractor. They said it wasn't a good idea! I have a regular appointment scheduled for Monday and the Dr. will look at me then. Monday is a long ways away when we're talking about back pain and sleepless nights. But, what can you do?

I've also noticed that my pants are starting to get tight. I'm trying really hard to remind myself that it's the baby growing. It's just hard to be a bigger girl to begin with and start watching your waistline disappear little by little each month. I went shopping at a maternity store and I can see I'll be having the same troubles with sizes that I did before I got pregnant. All of the pants are too long! I didn't try any of the petites since I was feeling discouraged and that little pregnancy pillow they give you really isn't a self esteem booster! But I did buy a really cute dress that I'm planning on wearing to the baby shower.

All complaining aside, I'm very excited to be experiencing all of these new things and the further along I get the easier it is for me to picture this baby just growing and floating around in there. It's hard to believe how much it has grown in the eight weeks since we found out we were expecting. I can't even imagine what will be happening with my body in the next few months!

Grief

Grief is a peculiar thing. It seems to hit each person differently. As most of you know, Jeff's dad passed two weeks ago after a long battle with brain cancer. The services were held last week, and it was amazing. There had to have been over 300 people there. The procession to the cemetery seemed to last for miles.

And then all of a sudden, after spending the whole week planning the services and visiting with family and friends it's time to go back to regular life. I think that's what I've been having the hardest time with. We had the funeral last Tuesday and I was back at work on Wednesday. It seemed so odd to me that I was supposed to forget to be sad and start caring again about where a piece of paperwork got filed or complete a background for a new hire. These things seem so small now. My life and my family's life will be changed forever, and now we're supposed to go back to what I was doing the week before Rick passed. It just seems unreal.

Then there are the days where we're with friends and we're enjoying ourselves, laughing and having a good time. Part of me feels guilty. I know that Rick wouldn't want us to feel that way, but I can't help it. I just wish that there was a book with set rules on how to grieve. Like, it's been two weeks, now you should be feeling this way. Instead it sneaks up on me at odd times during the day and I start thinking about everything I'm going to miss about my father in law and everyone else who is going to miss him too.

I fully believe that Rick is in a better place. I think that right now he's visiting with his parents, and nieces and cousin and having a great time. Gloria has said that we're not sad for him, we're sad for us, and she's right. I just wish that it didn't hurt so much for my family, but I guess that's just proof that Rick was a great man worth being missed.