Lilah is 4 months!

If you count by weeks, Lilah is 4 months old today. If you count by months, she won’t be 4 months old until June 1st. Either way you look at it, our baby girl is growing like a weed.

We have had many milestones and adjustments this last month. The biggest being my return to work. The first day was the hardest and I left the sitter’s house in tears and spent my day with my cell phone glued to my hip, anxious for any picture updates I might receive. Thank God for technology. I don’t know what I’d do without my bi-hourly picture texts!

And, we have the best sitter on the planet! My cousin Heather is watching her and not only does she keep my baby clean, fed and content she sends us home with casseroles for dinner and clean clothes in Lilah’s diaper bag. I can’t tell you how nice it is to know that my Monday will be just a little bit less hectic because dinner is already taken care of.

Now on to the fun stuff….Lilah’s accomplishments!

She has rolled over from her tummy to her back once. I know we don’t give her enough ‘tummy time’ and I’m trying to fix that small problem. I’m sure with just a little more time on her belly; she’ll be rolling over like a pro. She has attempted to roll from her back to her tummy, but her arm gets in the way. There have been several times where all the adults in the room suck in their breath because we’re all sure it’s gonna happen any second, but she ends up on her back again and she starts the process all over.

And we have teeth! Just this last Saturday and Sunday Lilah cut her first two bottom teeth. She did great and we hardly knew she was teething. We gave her some baby Orajel, Tylenol or teething tablets if we thought she was uncomfortable. But we really seemed to luck out. She wasn’t very fussy, and aside from a few restless nights she did great. Now she spends her days sucking on her bottom lip and poking her tongue out so she can feel those pearly whites!

She had an impromptu doctor’s appointment last Friday due to an angry rash under a roll in her neck. It was ugly and scary and I felt like bad mommy for missing it for as long as I did, but a little bit of cornstarch cleared it right up. At her appointment they weighed her and she’s 12lbs. 8.5oz’s, which the Dr. said is right on track. She has rolls on her thighs, neck and arms, and they’re adorable. I can’t wait until we finally get some decent weather so I can put her in some cute rompers that show off those chunky legs.

As you can tell, we’re just plugging right along in the Honea household. Lilah is amazing and we can’t imagine our lives without her. She has been the perfect addition to our family and it has been such a blessing to watch her grow.

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

In my last blog entry I wrote about the day we found out we were expecting Lilah. What I didn't mention was that was the very same week the doctors told Gloria there was nothing else they could do for Rick. I've been wanting to write this blog for a while, but I could never seem to find the right words to do it justice. I'm just not as gifted a writer as Jeff, so bare with me.

We had decided to hold off on telling people our happy news until the threat of miscarriage was no longer a worry. But, we knew we wanted our parents to know as soon as possible. So we went to Walmart and bought some bibs for Rick and Gloria to open as a surprise. I think one of them said Grandma Never Says No. It was super cute and we were very excited to tell them they were finally going to have a grandchild in Susanville.

When we got to the house Gloria was downstairs on the treadmill. Rick let her know we were there and she came up to open her present. When she saw the bibs and put two and two together she got teary eyed and asked Jeff if we were serious. At the time, I thought it was because Jeff had played a prank on them before by getting Rick a birthday card that says 'Grandpa' on it.

She waited a few days to tell Jeff about Rick. We were still on a 'baby high' and I think she didn't want to take that away from us. When Jeff told me Rick didn't have much time left I was heartbroken. I was sad for my husband, who was about to lose his dad, and sad for my mother in law who was losing the love of her life at such a young age.

And then I thought about the baby growing in my belly....

I had seen Rick with his other grandchildren and I knew he was an amazing grandpa. I was so angry that our baby was going to miss out on that. She was never going to know what it felt like to ride high on her Grandpa Honea's shoulders, or cuddle with him, or hear silly stories about her Daddy from the man who helped make him who he is today. I just didn't understand why Jeff and I would be given such a beautiful miracle and then in the same week be given such a hard blow.

I'm not one to wax poetic about God or His work in my life. It's just the way I am. But I feel like this needs to be acknowledged because I have never felt His presence in my life more than when I had Lilah. Her birth was incredible, but for more reasons than one. Yes, I had prayed for her. Yes, the love I felt that day was amazing. But I also felt her heal our hearts. Of course she can't fill the huge void that Rick left for all of us, but I think her presence has helped take the sting out. I truly believe that she was Heaven sent, at exactly the right time. God knew that he was giving my family a huge blow and He knew that we would need something happy to cling to. So He gave us Lilah.

And while I'm sad that Rick couldn't be here to carry her on his shoulders and cuddle her or tell her stories, I know that he is present. It's my mission in life to make sure our kids know what a wonderful man their grandpa was and know that he's watching over them even though he's not here in body. And besides, who better to have for a Guardian Angel than One Punch Honea?

Last Year

May 13th, 2009 was the day that Jeff and I found out our lives would be changed forever. It was the day that we found out we were expecting our first child.


I remember buying a pregnancy test the night before, thinking that it was a waste of money because I thought I was going to start any minute. I was crampy and moody and I just knew that 'Aunt Flo' was just around the corner...but she was a few days late, so I figured I'd rather be safe than sorry.


Since we had been trying for so long to get pregnant I had a morning routine when I tested. I would get up and take the test first thing in the morning, but I never looked at it until I got out of the shower. After several months with disappointing results I guess I just liked the extra 10 minutes thinking our dreams might come true this month.


This time was different. For some reason, I just couldn't help myself. I turned the test over and started watching the window. In seconds that beautiful second line appeared. I couldn't believe it! I stared at it for a little longer, just to make sure that I wasn't imagining things. But there it was.


I promptly ran into the bedroom where Jeff was still sleeping and said something like 'I'm pregnant! Oh my God, I'm going to give birth in 8 months!" I think Jeff was a little confused since he was still half asleep, but of course he was happy, and once the news sank in, very excited.

That day seems so far away. After trying for over a year and half I thought it might not happen for us. I am so happy that Lilah is here and she's a happy, cuddling little love. She has brought new meaning to my life and I look at things differently now. I can't imagine our lives without and am so grateful to be fortunate enough to have this little girl in my life.

Breastfeeding: It's Harder than I Thought

****Caution may be TMI for some****

Lilah is 3 months and 3 days old today. That means that I have been breastfeeding for exactly that long, which is a huge milestone.

I always pictured myself being a champion feeder, and producing so much milk I could feed 10 babies. When I was pregnant, and waiting and waiting to go into labor I would sit in her nursery and imagine a little dark haired baby at my breast just gulping away. I was looking forward to the bonding that breastfeeding would bring to me and my little girl. I thought it would be so easy, just like my pregnancy had been. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I tried to feed Lilah for the first time when she was about 2.5 hours old. Bad move. What I should have done was feed her the moment they handed her to me. But of course, hindsight is 20/20. Jeff and I were so excited and anxious to show her off to all of our family that we asked them to come in as soon as we were both cleaned up. I should have taken some time to at least get the baby to latch on. Now, I know better.

When I finally did get a moment to try it out, I couldn't get her to latch right. I had family members in the room and felt very self conscious to let them see that part of my anatomy. My mom told them it wasn't a good time, but they walked right in....what are you gonna do?

Then to my surprise, it turned out I had flat nipples. Before that day, I had no clue such a thing existed. I had never really paid much attention to other women's nipples, and thought that everybody's looked like mine did. Add that to the time wasted after she was first born, and then she couldn't latch because there was nothing for her to hang on to.

I was feeling hormonal from having given birth only hours before, not to mention very guilty because I couldn't feed my baby. So, I let the nurses talk me into giving her a bottle of formula. Knowing what I know now, and understanding breastfeeding is all about supply and demand, I realize that was a big mistake as well, especially with all of the research that I've done since then. Newborn babies aren't meant to hold that much in thier tummies. She didn't need to eat that much on her first few days of life, and I was risking nipple confusion when I already had confusing nipples!

When we got our newborn home and attempted to breastfeed it didn't seem to satisfy her, and then we would give in and give her formula. By then I was exhausted, frustrated and almost ready to just give in and feed her with formula. I would just sit there and cry while my baby screamed and screamed when I would try to give her my breast.

Four days after delivery my milk finally came in and there wasn't very much. I believe it's because I wasn't feeding her as much as I should have been from the very beginning. I found myself looking online for ways to increase my milk supply. I was bad about eating in the beginning. I didn't have time to eat when I was chained to the couch dealing with a fussy, hungry newborn and at that time, my body craved sleep more than food. I had to force myself to put her down and eat and Jeff would make me something if I remembered to ask.

I found myself eating oatmeal because I had heard it could help my supply. I hate oatmeal. Now I eat one to two packets a day, and I've grown accustomed to it. I went to the health store and bought fenugreek, which made me and the baby smell like maple syrup. But combined with the oatmeal, extra fluids, more rest, and time, Lilah seemed to be satisfied after a feeding.

I didn't think that the three of us would survive that first month. I know it wouldn't have been a big deal for her to be a formula baby but I just wanted to give her the very best, and I believe it's breastmilk. I give Jeff a lot of credit for putting up with my mood swings and worry. He has been a big help and has supported my efforts from the very beginning.

It is so satisfying watching Lilah grow and gain weight and to know that my body is still supporting her development. Breastfeeding was an uphill battle for us but it was worth it. I go back to work on Wednesday and I may have to supplement with formula during the hours that I'm away from her, but I plan to continue to breastfeed her for as long as I can.

As silly as it sounds, I can't wait until the next baby comes along. Now I'm a little bit more knowledgable about feeding my babies and I hope it will go much smoother. That first hour after birth will be for family bonding and feeding, no formula will be given unless the Dr. feels it's necessary, and I know about my nipple issue and there are steps I can take before birth to make sure the baby is able to latch.

Tick Tock

There's a clock ticking in my head and each day the ticking gets louder. My maternity leave is coming to an end this month and I am heartbroken. I will never have this much uninterrupted time with my Lilah ever again. I'm sure the next time I get to spend 12 weeks with her will be when the next little Honea graces our home, and by then she'll be more toddler, less baby, and no longer an only child.

I worry so much. I don't worry about the quality of care she'll be receiving because I know it will never be what I want it to be since it won't be coming from me. I worry that she'll wake up from her nap wanting her mommy and I won't be there. I'll be at my stupid job, filing some stupid piece of paper. I worry that she'll think I'm never coming back and that I've abandoned her.

I soak in every smile, every cuddle. I'll be spending more time at my job than I will with my baby. I'm going to miss so many 'firsts'. She changes and learns something new every day and I won't be there to cheer her on.

I keep looking at our finances, trying to figure out a way to make it work if I stay home. I try to rationalize not needing electricity, or cutting back on our cable bill. What if we sold the little car? Who really needs to eat three meals a day?

But, in the end I have to remind myself that in this day and age and in this 'economic climate', it's not only my job to nurture Lilah, it's also my job to support her financially. Oh, but how I wish things could be different for our family.

Loving Lilah

Loving Lilah comes as natural as breathing to me. She is the sweetest thing in my life, and I have fallen hard. I spend my days feeding her, playing with her, simply absorbing everything she does.

I'll admit I was worried during my pregnancy. I've never thought of myself as a maternal person. I did well around babies and small children, but I was only around them for short periods of time. I worried that I wouldn't have that instant connection with my little one. Every mommy talks about that moment when thier child is placed in thier arms, they make eye contact and BAM! Instant unconditional love. What if I didn't like being a mommy?

My worries were put to the rest the day after I gave birth to my daughter. I remember while she was eating, looking down at her and just feeling so full of an overpowering, all encompassing love. It was the most intense feeling I've ever experienced and 9 weeks later I'm still feeling it.

Being Lilah's mommy is easy. Not because she's a perfect baby. There's no such thing. But because I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything. I don't feel like I'm missing out if my girlfriends go see a movie. I'd rather be at home with my girl. I do like to get out every now and again, but most times I take her along with me.

There are times where I have a screaming, wiggling infant demanding my attention and I want to pull out my hair, the dishes aren't done, and there's a pile of laundry on the couch in need of folding. In those moments, I'm praying for a break, but later, when the house is quiet and I get a moment to think, I remind myself that she won't always be this little, her cry won't always sound so small, and she won't always want a snuggle from her mommy, so I'd better soak it up now.

Lilah Grace's Arrival

At my last doctor's appointment I was 1 week overdue with no dialation or effacement. I was feeling pretty discouraged since we left that appointment with an induction scheduled for Wednesday the 3rd. I just wasn't thinking that I would have a February baby.

Saturday evening I started having some mild cramping. It wasn't anything to take note of, and the pains weren't regular. I figured they were just braxton hicks because they went away after a while.

The next day Jeff and I went grocery shopping. I bought a bunch of food to make casseroles and dinners I could freeze since I was supposed to be having a baby on Wednesday. Being the procrastinator that I am, I put off actually cooking everything for Monday since Jeff would be at work and I would be home alone with nothing to do. I had some cramping on and off again, but it wasn't any worse than a menstrual cramp and I figured it was my visit to the grocery store that made things uncomfortable.

Around 6:00p.m. my back started hurting. There again, I didn't think anything of it because lower back pain is just another part of being 41 weeks pregnant. I went out to my parent's house and got in the hot tub for a while, hoping to ease my discomfort. On the way home I started cramping again, this time the pains were sharper, but every time I timed them they were 15-20 minutes apart so I figured they were just braxton hicks again.

The rest of the evening went by uneventfully. Jeff made me dinner and we watched some episodes of The Office on Netflix. I went to bed around 10:00 because the pains were still coming, but again, they weren't regular and they weren't enough to make me say 'ow'.

After an hour and a half of laying in bed up to get in the shower. The water seemed to bring me some relief, the only problem was that I would run out of hot water after about 20 minutes. I kept alternating between the shower and taking a bath, all the while I was cramping off and on.

Jeff finally went to bed around 1:00a.m. That's when I got on the computer and went to the contraction master website. I started timing my pains, but they were so sporadic that I thought for sure it couldn't be true labor, even though they were starting to get more intense.

A couple hours later I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was losing my plug. I think at this point I was in denial because I was still telling myself that I wasn't in labor and I would be pregnant until Wednesday! I decided to try to ignore the pains, which were getting so intense I was having a hard time walking through them.

I crawled into bed around 4:15a.m., and at 4:30 Jeff woke up to me curled in a ball whimpering. He asked me if I thought we should go to the hospital, and after another contraction hit, he decided it was time to go.

Jeff gathered our bags while I got dressed and phoned my mom to tell her it might be baby time. As we were driving the 4 minute drive to the hospital, I had another contraction. This one was so intense that the moment I got out of the car I leaned into the door and vomited in the parking lot. After that there was no doubt in my mind that I was in labor.

After we got some paperwork signed we went to Labor and Delivery. I changed into a gown and they hooked me up to the monitors. Lilah was doing fine and my contractions were coming every 4 minutes apart. They weren't registering very high in intensity. They were only peaking at a six or seven, and I've heard of women having contractions that are off the charts. The nurse mentioned that they may send me home depending on my progress, since they had another woman scheduled for an induction that day, and someone else was already in labor in the room next door. I did not want to go home! The last thing I wanted to do was leave that hospital without my baby.

The nurse checked me, and promptly announced that I wasn't going anywhere because I was dialted to a 5! I was so excited because that meant I was halfway there, and I had labored at home, which is what we wanted. I didn't want to be at the hospital longer than I needed to be. I also told myself I wanted to make it to a 5 before I asked for the epidural. So as soon as she told me how much I had progressed, I asked for the epi. I didn't actually get it until about an hour later because they had to call in the anesthesiologist, and get my IV going with a bag of something to keep me hydrated.

After Joel, the epidural man gave me my medicine, it was smooth sailing. Jeff and I spent our time visiting with our parents and keeping our siblings and friends updated by texting them. Around 10:00 my parents left to go get something to eat. My nurse came in to check me and I was at a 9. I couldn't believe how quickly it had gone by and it was almost time to push! That's when things slowed down. I was checked again around 12:00 and was still stuck at 9 centimeters. Our nurse called the Dr., and suggested Pitocen. I was okay with it since I'd had the epidural, and I didn't want to be stuck at 9 for hours on end. It only took an hour for the medicine to work and it was time to push so they called the Dr., who was next door delivering another baby.

Okay, so this is when I started to freak out. I've seen a baby story and watched women who've had epidurals have their babies without so much as a whimper. That was not the case with me. My epidural had started to wear off, and we were waiting on Joel to come and give me a little bit more to get me through the end. I remember I kept asking for Joel and at one point told Jeff that I didn't want to do it anymore. He offered to grab our bags and we could leave. Funny guy! I could feel the pressure and the contractions and I got to the point where I could feel the contraction coming and I would try to not push because it was so uncomfortable. The nurse was having me push to a count of 10 while she and Jeff held my legs and feet for me. I was able to push four times through each contraction. The first 2 pushes were the most painful, but the last two I couldn't feel and were the most effective. Our Dr. came in and soon after there was my epidural man! I've never been so happy to see someone in my entire life! He gave me a booster, but I could still feel the pressure and the burning when her head started to crown. I started to get a little loud, which I am still embarrassed about, and before I knew it her head was out. The Dr. told me to relax....which is just about impossible by the way..and he suctioned her mouth and nose. Jeff said that she started crying then. I pushed one more time and out she came. They plopped her on my belly and she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. People are right, the pain is forgotten as soon as you see your baby.

Now, almost a month later I still can't believe that our little girl is here and that I made it through childbirth. Jeff and I are so blessed and even though she makes us work harder than we ever thought we would, she's worth it.