I Guess It's That Time

Yesterday I got home and changed into some comfy pj's. That's when I noticed the markings on my belly. It looked like I was still wearing my work pants because I had a perfect outline of all the seams from my pants. So, being just 13 weeks, I did it. Today I'm wearing my belly band and a bigger shirt. I dont' look pregnant, I just look like I don't know how to buy clothes that don't fit. But, I am SOOOO comfortable! And right now, that's all I care about.

Weeks 9-12

It seems as though this pregnancy is going to fly by. I haven't had much time to focus on this little miracle since Jeff and I have been spending our time with our family.

I'm just entering my 12th week and so far so good. I am having a bit of back troubles, but I don't think that's due to my pregnancy. Last week I was bent over funny working on some things around the house and the next morning I started having twinges in my back, which led to pain and numbness shooting down my butt and leg. I've had this before and usually a quick trip to the Chiropractor is all I need. Well, being the cautious pregnant gal that I am, I called my baby Dr. to see if I could go get popped by the chiropractor. They said it wasn't a good idea! I have a regular appointment scheduled for Monday and the Dr. will look at me then. Monday is a long ways away when we're talking about back pain and sleepless nights. But, what can you do?

I've also noticed that my pants are starting to get tight. I'm trying really hard to remind myself that it's the baby growing. It's just hard to be a bigger girl to begin with and start watching your waistline disappear little by little each month. I went shopping at a maternity store and I can see I'll be having the same troubles with sizes that I did before I got pregnant. All of the pants are too long! I didn't try any of the petites since I was feeling discouraged and that little pregnancy pillow they give you really isn't a self esteem booster! But I did buy a really cute dress that I'm planning on wearing to the baby shower.

All complaining aside, I'm very excited to be experiencing all of these new things and the further along I get the easier it is for me to picture this baby just growing and floating around in there. It's hard to believe how much it has grown in the eight weeks since we found out we were expecting. I can't even imagine what will be happening with my body in the next few months!

Grief

Grief is a peculiar thing. It seems to hit each person differently. As most of you know, Jeff's dad passed two weeks ago after a long battle with brain cancer. The services were held last week, and it was amazing. There had to have been over 300 people there. The procession to the cemetery seemed to last for miles.

And then all of a sudden, after spending the whole week planning the services and visiting with family and friends it's time to go back to regular life. I think that's what I've been having the hardest time with. We had the funeral last Tuesday and I was back at work on Wednesday. It seemed so odd to me that I was supposed to forget to be sad and start caring again about where a piece of paperwork got filed or complete a background for a new hire. These things seem so small now. My life and my family's life will be changed forever, and now we're supposed to go back to what I was doing the week before Rick passed. It just seems unreal.

Then there are the days where we're with friends and we're enjoying ourselves, laughing and having a good time. Part of me feels guilty. I know that Rick wouldn't want us to feel that way, but I can't help it. I just wish that there was a book with set rules on how to grieve. Like, it's been two weeks, now you should be feeling this way. Instead it sneaks up on me at odd times during the day and I start thinking about everything I'm going to miss about my father in law and everyone else who is going to miss him too.

I fully believe that Rick is in a better place. I think that right now he's visiting with his parents, and nieces and cousin and having a great time. Gloria has said that we're not sad for him, we're sad for us, and she's right. I just wish that it didn't hurt so much for my family, but I guess that's just proof that Rick was a great man worth being missed.

The First 8 Weeks

So far, this pregnancy has gone smoothly. In the middle of my 5th week I was feeling very nauseous and having a hard time imagining dealing with it for the next 7 or so weeks. Thankfully, that week was the only week that I felt I could actually throw up. The rest of the time I’ve just felt some slight nausea and nothing more.

I was not prepared for the exhaustion. Jeff and I have some very serious and grown up things we are dealing with in our family and it’s very hard because sometimes I feel like I’ve been hit with a tranquilizer dart. I seem to catch a second wind after I get home from work and am able to change into some comfy clothes, but I’m still ready for bed by 9:00p.m.

Now, as I’m into my 9th week, I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown. I can’t wait until we find out if this little person is a boy or a girl and we can start shopping. My instincts are telling me it’s a boy, but only time will tell. Right now, I feel like I can’t even really look at anything because there is hardly anything neutral out there. We have a couple nursery ideas we’re thinking of, but nothing will be set in stone until our ultrasound results.

And…we’re not telling anyone our names. I’ve thrown a few ideas out there to other people and I either get the polite, appropriate response of ‘That’s so cute!’ or ‘Aww!’ Then there have been times where people just look at me with a blank stare or tell me that they don’t like it at all. I don’t feel like listening to the peanut gallery’s comments, so once the baby is born we will announce the name, and if people don’t like it, that’s fine with me. I guess it’s a good thing they didn’t give birth to this baby then!

Our Story

Deciding to try to get pregnant was not a decision we made lightly. I think Jeff wanted to start having babies as soon as the ink was dry on the marriage certificate. I was more content to wait for a while. I wanted to enjoy being newly weds and soak up the time we had to ourselves. Besides, once I got pregnant, I was going to be someone’s mother for the rest of my life. I just wasn’t sure I was ready for such a life changing experience.

Six months into our marriage, Jeff and I both decided it was time to start trying. I was a little nervous, but mostly excited. I’m the kind of person that once I make up my mind about something, especially a big decision, I want it done immediately. Besides, almost all of the women in my family never had any problems getting pregnant, so I figured I’d be looking at a positive pregnancy test by the end of the month. I was so naïve back then.

I went off of the Pill in December 2007. I had done my research and understood that it may take a little while for my body to adjust. I still watched my cycle and we tried at what I felt like was the appropriate time. Five weeks and about a million pregnancy tests later, nothing was happening. Then one day I woke up to a horrible pain on my right side. I tried to ignore it, figuring that maybe I was ovulating late, or this was just my body’s way of processing things without the birth control. That morning at work, the pain got so bad that I decided to have Jeff take me to urgent care. They examined me and decided I needed to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that I had a Corpus Luteum Cyst. Basically my body went into overdrive without the pill, tried to ovulate and failed. They gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and sent me on my way. They told me that my cycle may be delayed due to the cyst, but not to worry.

Four months went by and no period in sight. I made an appointment with my regular health care provider to discuss what the next step should be. I was very disappointed with the appointment. The Nurse Practitioner basically patted me on the head and told me I’d be pregnant within the year. She gave me a few pills that were supposed to help me start my period and told me not to worry; I have all the time in the world to get pregnant.

In April 2008, I was still waiting to start a new cycle so we can try to get pregnant. I took those pills that my Dr. gave me and have the worst period of my entire life. I actually took a day off of work because I was cramping so badly. I figured it would all be worth it though, if it would help me get pregnant the next month.

A month goes by, and I still haven’t ovulated or had a normal period. June comes and goes and nothing. I go back to the Dr. where they test me for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. All the tests came back negative. My Dr. told me to go home and relax; I would be pregnant as soon as my body remembered how to ovulate.

During all of this, we hadn’t told anyone we were trying. We had been married a year and apparently the first year is your grace period. No one bothers you about starting a family. All bets are off after the one year mark. At first we would laugh them off and say things like ‘oh, we like our alone time’ or ‘are you crazy? We haven’t been to Europe yet!’ I knew these people didn’t mean anything by it, they didn’t even know that my body wasn’t working right, but it still hurt just the same.

In August, after I had started taking my temperature at the same time every morning to try and catch any sign of ovulation, I could see that I was going to ovulate! I was so excited. 115 days after the period from Hell, my body was finally going to do something. All systems a go! There was just one problem; Jeff was out of town on a business trip! It was like I couldn’t catch a break. Jeff and I were both bummed, but figured that it was a sign of good things to come and now we could really start really trying.

I managed to ovulate every month, but we had decided give our selves a break and stop trying to track things. Let things happen as they would. November was a bust since Jeff had his shoulder surgery and needed to recuperate. I was so sure that we hit the mark in December, and thought it would be great to get a positive test Christmas morning. We were both very disappointed.

It had been a full year since we decided to expand our little family. Jeff and I were both so tired of trying, and it seemed like everyone I knew was either pregnant or had just had their babies. I seriously went to 6 baby showers in that year. That is no exaggeration!

In the meantime I told a handful of people about our problems and they kept telling me to relax, it will happen. I’m sure at one point in my life I have probably said the same thing to a struggling couple. It DOESN’T help. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Maybe if I weren’t so worried I would get pregnant just like that! Maybe I just needed a vacation…or maybe something wasn’t working and I couldn’t get anyone to listen to me.

January came and went, but this time I never got my period. I decided to wait it out. I didn’t do anything until April. I made an appointment with a new Dr. who decided to take a more proactive approach. He scheduled me for a Hysterosalpinogram to make sure that my fallopian tubes were clear and there was nothing wrong with my uterus. He told me that there was some pain involved and to pop a couple of ibuprofen before the procedure, so of course when I got home I looked it up online and read all of the horror stories from other women who had had it done. Oh, and I found out that our insurance wouldn’t cover the procedure so I was taking a thousand dollar chance that I actually needed to have this done.

I had the HSG on April 15. It didn’t hurt much, just some cramping. They were able to tell that my reproductive organs were text book perfect and I should have no problems carrying a baby to term.

Since we had tried so long without success, the Dr. decided to write me a prescription for Clomid. It’s a drug that is supposed to help you ovulate. Jeff and I were both feeling unsure about taking this drug, and really felt that we wanted to give it one more try. Two weeks later we found out we were pregnant!

I know that our story isn’t nearly as rough and sad as other couple’s, but it was still a very long journey for us. It was full of heartache and pain and frustration. But it has been worth it because I am not taking a second of this pregnancy for granted.

I know it’s still early but I already love this baby so much and cannot wait to meet s/he and one day tell them how hard their parents tried to bring them into this world and how loved they were before we even met them.

Update to the Dress Nightmare

My dress finally arrived at about 7:30 on Friday evening. Remember I needed it by Saturday so I could wear it to a wedding I was attending....Anyway, I had ordered the size needed to match my measurements, and it was too big! It looked more like a moomoo and I just couldn't see myself wearing it. I took it to my mom's house at 7:00a.m. Saturday morning and since she's a wonderful mommy, she took it in for me! I will probably never shop online for clothes again!

I Guess Today Just Wasn't My Day

I have a wedding to attend this weekend. I've known about this wedding for the last year, and we recieved the invitation in March or April. It's been on my fridge since we got it in the mail. I think I even RSVP'd the day I opened the envelope.

Now, since I've known about this wedding for quite some time, I've been looking at dresses online, trying to decide which one I liked, and how much I was willing to spend on it.

I found the dress that I wanted. I loved it! It was flirty and cute and colorful. I ordered it from JCPenny's and it was at my house 2 days later. When I tried it on, it didn't fit. They seemed to have forgotten that there should be material across the front of the dress. Everything else looked good, but there was a little too much flesh exposed if you know what I mean! Jeff told me it looked great, but I'm going to a wedding, not a dance club.

So, with a week left until the wedding, I order another dress. This one is modestly cut and still just as cute and flirty. 4 days go by, and no dress. I check my email and in my junk box there is a message saying that my VISA was declined. That can't be! We have more than enough money to cover the charges. It's Wednesday, which means that after I talk to customer service, I have to pay extra to have it Fed - Exed. Great.

After being transferred to three different people they finally told me that they just tried to run my card again and it went through, the dress should be here in a week. I told them I don't have a week. I need this dress by Saturday. The lady tells me that they will have to cancel the order and reorder it. I tell her to do it already! So, one cancelled order, and $27.00 in shipping and I should have the dress here by Friday. What a relief!

Two hours later, while Jeff and I were at lunch the phone rings. It's JCPenny's telling me my order won't clear, that there's something wrong with my VISA! I cancelled my order and decided I wasn't going to the wedding! Nothing is worth this much hassle!

Later, I cool off and call the bank. They look our account and tell me that Visa will not allow 3 online charges in the same day. That logic doesn't make sense to me, but I go with it. I call my mom and ask if she'll let me use her card and I'll bring her the money tomorrow. Of course she says yes. I jump online and go to order my cute, flirty dress. It's SOLD OUT!

So, I pick out a different dress, get it ordered, paying $27.00 in shipping. It should be here by Friday, and if it isn't, then I guess I'm going to this wedding in my pajamas!

There are times where I really wish I lived in a big city. I could have gone out on my lunch break and found an armload of dresses to choose from.